Hana & Mustafa

Author: Mary Ann Hamilton, Getting Married project

Getting Married: Hana and Mustafa el Harris, Fadle's parents, met one summer holiday in Tripoli, Lebanon. Mustafa, who had settled in Australia, was visiting his homeland at the time. This was in 1974, just before the intensifying hostilities of the civil war.

In the beginning

One summer holiday
Mustafa el Harris had migrated to Australia in search of adventure early in 1971. On a return visit to Lebanon to see his family in 1974, Mustafa, then 21 years old, met Hana who was 15 years old at the time. She was one of a large group of cousins and friends who spent their school vacation swimming and fishing at the beach in el Mena, Tripoli, Mustafa's home.

Meeting at the beach
The pair got to know each other after Hana acted on a hunch that Mustafa was feeling lonely and out of place back in Lebanon. She made a point of talking to him and lent a sympathetic ear to his troubles. Soon they both felt a strong attachment to each other, which grew as they spent more time together.

(Mustafa) I said, ‘well what about seeing a movie?' We took some of my sisters with me because it was not allowed to go out by ourselves. After the movie we went for a walk on the beach. It was very beautiful, you could feel the sea breeze…

Preparations for marriage
Mustafa's mother was determined to find a wife for Mustafa during this visit and so she was quite happy when Mustafa indicated his affection for Hana. The couple were of similar family backgrounds, similar education levels and they were an attractive couple. Hana's father was less enthusiastic and he initially declined the proposal much to the annoyance of Hana.

(Hana) I said to my father, ‘did you say I was too young? – I am not too young. I like him and want to marry him'.

In the face of such determination, Hana's father was convinced to change his mind and he gave approval for his beloved daughter to marry Mustafa.

The wedding
Shortly after this an engagement party was held at which Mustafa and Hana announced their intention to marry. At the end of 1975, in the growing shadow of civil war, the couple celebrated their marriage in the traditional way. Her future mother-in-law took Hana to the jewellery bazaar to chose a wedding set of gold necklace, bracelet and earrings. In the company of family and friends the marriage contract between Mustafa and Hana and dowry were agreed. The marriage was celebrated with a small walimah or wedding feast.

On the day of the nikah there is always the walimah – the wedding feast. Two sheep are barbequed and lots of food prepared and shared among the guests. It is a big event, but the situation in Lebanon was getting bad – it was late November 1975 and the civil war had just started – so we had a small walimah, just dinner for the guests.

Like their son Fadle and his wife Rema who married in Australia in 2002, the couple continued to live with their own families after the nikah. They were now able to spend time together without the company of Mustafa's sisters! From this time Mustafa eagerly took on the role of provider for his new wife and paid for all Hana's living expenses, her clothing, outings and gifts.

I took her out every day and bought her clothing and jewellery, I spent all my savings but I didn't regret it – we had a wonderful time going out to the movies or up to the mountains. You can see the sea from the mountains… It is one of the most beautiful sights.

Delaying the time when a couple live together as man and wife is customary in Lebanon. If for some reason the couple decide not to take the relationship to its final stage – that of living together as husband and wife – they can separate without loss of reputation. If the girl initiates the separation she returns all the gifts she has received from her husband and is not entitled to the mahr or dowry agreed at the time of the marriage.

Life together

Returning to Australia
Nine months after their marriage the civil war hostilities had escalated. Mustafa had no work and had spent all his savings. He decided to return to Australia and asked Hana to join him. Hana had only just turned 16 at that time.

I was very scared but I said I would like to be with him in Australia.

See she has an adventurous spirit too – like me.

Married life in Australia
Mustafa's return to Australia as a married man was a happy one. With his soul mate, Hana, he would no longer suffer the loneliness he had previously experienced while living and working in his adopted home country. For Hana, the move to Australia and married life came with the realisation that marriage was not simply an idealised new life.

You see, when I was engaged I was young – 15 years old. All I thought was that I had found my dream man and our life would be perfect. After were married I realised that it is a very big responsibility to make our life work together. I wanted to prove that I was up to it, so in Australia I found a job and worked and I could contribute to making our life here.

Mustafa and Hana have now been married for 30 years. During this time they have established a new life in Sydney, Australia, and have raised five children. They have both enjoyed meeting the challenges of maintaining their cultural and religious identity while partaking fully in Australian society.

It is the goodwill of the husband and wife in their partnership that makes life work out in the end.

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