Elizabeth & Michael

Author: Mary Ann Hamilton, Getting Married project

Getting Married: Elizabeth Solares and Michael Alvanos, both children of Greek migrants, grew up in families struggling to settle and make a new life in a new country. Now successful young professionals, they married in 2003 in a traditional Greek Orthodox ceremony with a big reception, reflecting their ties to Greek culture and also their success as young Australians of Greek heritage.

A Greek wedding with a slight hiccup

It's a bright and slightly breezy afternoon and the groom, Michael, has arrived. He is on time, 3.15 for 3.30, Saturday March 8, 2003. While he waits for Elizabeth to arrive, he is taken aside by a family member and told that their wedding will have to be delayed for a half hour or so. The wedding booked in before theirs has run late and is being celebrated in the church as they speak. Saturday is a busy day for the priest at the Archangel Michael Greek Orthodox church in Crows Nest!

A quick conversation via mobile phone and arrangements are made for Elizabeth to do a few extra rounds of the block in the bridal car while Michael waits on the kerbside.

As the guests of the previous wedding leave the church and assemble outside for photographs, everything is quickly readied for Michael and Elizabeth's wedding ceremony. Flower arrangements from the previous wedding are dispatched and Michael and Elizabeth's put in place. The wedding candle is positioned next to the altar and the male choir takes its place under a long stained glass window.
They begin to sing and fill the small, pretty church with the peaceful, rich sound of their voices. The guests enter, stopping to kiss an icon placed near the entrance to the church. Candles are lit and prayers offered for the marriage of Elizabeth and Michael.

An Orthodox wedding
While Greek weddings celebrated in Australia have come to include a collection of elements from other wedding traditions, Michael and Elizabeth want theirs to be really Greek. The spiritual aspect of their culture is very important to them both so they have planned a traditional Greek Orthodox wedding with its celebration of one of the most important “mysteries” or sacraments in Greek Orthodox religious life, the joining together of two bodies and souls. Similarly, in order to ensure the pure traditions of the Greek wedding, they have decided against an entourage of bridesmaids and have asked Michael's sister to be their koubara.

The koubara
The koubara is the bridal couple's best woman or best man. They play an essential role as witness to the marriage and in assisting with the various rituals involved, such as paying fees and organising the bonbonnieres, which are sugar coated almonds, a token of fertility. Their role extends to that of godparent to the couple's first child.

The choir

Here comes the bride
The car does its last lap around the block and stops in front of the church. Elizabeth and her father walk towards Michael, where she is formally handed to her husband-to-be. The couple begin their walk to the altar witnessed by the church full of wedding guests. Here the priest begins the lengthy service with a litany of call and response sung by the priest and choir.

Betrothal
The betrothal begins the Greek Orthodox wedding ceremony. A ring, blessed by the priest, is placed on the fourth finger of the left hand of bride and groom. This betrothal ceremony symbolises that the marriage is made as a free choice by the couple and the union is binding before God. When the rings are taken from the left and put on the couple's right hands, the ceremony moves to the marriage service.

The crowns
The priest places the stephana, wedding crowns, on Michael and Elizabeth's heads. These traditional white crowns are joined by a length of ribbon. The crowns are swapped from head to head three times by the koubara a sign of the new bond between Michael and Elizabeth.

(Elizabeth) I like the notion of a bond – marriage isn't the surrendering of individual identity but it is the bonding of two people.

The crowning ceremony denotes the fact that this new bond must be managed wisely by the couple. It also symbolises and celebrates the couple's maturity as Christians, and their capacity to undertake such an important union as marriage.

Sharing a common cup
The priest reads from the Bible the story of the Wedding at Canna, where Jesus converted water into wine to share with the wedding guests. The couple then receive communion of bread and wine in remembrance of this miracle. They drink from the same cup, a reminder that their life is now shared.

First steps
Michael and Elizabeth then begin their first walk together as a married couple, circling the altar three times. On the altar are placed a cross, a symbol of the salvation by Jesus Christ, and the gospel, the word of God. The walk represents the way the couple should conduct their married life, with Jesus Christ at the centre of all their days.

The marriage is finally blessed in a Benediction ceremony.

A wedding without vows spoken by bride and groom
During the ceremony there have been no wedding vows spoken between the Michael and Elizabeth. They stand and listen to the priest, his reading of the gospel, and the wedding vows they must uphold; the man must protect the woman and the woman must obey her husband. After around 45 minutes the service is complete. Marriage certificates are signed and family and guests file past the couple congratulating them on their new status as a married couple.

A bouquet and a dream of marriage
On the footpath outside the church the guests mill around in noisy groups waiting for the bride and groom to leave the church. As they walk down the steps they are showered with rice and petals. Videos and cameras vie for a glimpse of the couple, and in a billow of white tulle Elizabeth tosses her bouquet over her shoulder. It flies into the arms of a young relative who is delighted to have secured the token of a happy wedding day – and the chance that it might be hers soon!

Getting together

The stephana

Brought together at the gym

My sister started to go to the gym in Burwood…and Michael, as fit as ever, also went there. They became friends and met for a drink occasionally. One night Connie and Michael were meeting for drinks at Darling Harbour and Connie asked me to come along. After that meeting apparently Michael thought I was aggressive and opinionated!

(Michael) My exact words were that if I had met her under any other circumstances she would not have heard from me again!

While they were at Darling Harbour, Elizabeth and Connie decided to take a quick look at the Mind Body Spirit Festival which was taking place there. Michael, a sceptic about such things, tagged along reluctantly. Elizabeth had her tarot cards read, just for fun. Her reading turned out to be quite auspicious: the cards predicted that her partner for life was waiting just around the corner. He was tall, dark and very fit – a dead ringer for Michael!

Growing a relationship
Their relationship did not begin with the usual round of dinner and movie dates but in a more casual way. Shortly after their first meeting at Darling Harbour Elizabeth moved to Rozelle and got in touch with Michael who lived in neighbouring Balmain. They began to see each other casually for coffee and neighbourly chats and soon became good friends, “hanging out” together a lot. From there they just sort of grew into a strong and affectionate relationship and they moved in together.

Two ways to propose a marriage

“There was not a definitive moment when we knew we wanted to get married or be together, it just evolved. I proposed one afternoon – I don't know what happened, what I was feeling – I just came out with ‘do you want to get married? Do you want to hang out together for a lifetime?'. And he just said ‘Yeah'. It just evolved.”

“She makes it sound so casual – after she suggested marriage I had to propose three times before she accepted! The final time was when we decided to try to go on a proper date – I had to ring her up and ask her out to dinner. We had never done that; we'd always just gone out. So I left the house, went to get a bunch of flowers, came back and rang the doorbell. We had to pretend we weren't living together. She played it very cool, as you do on a date, we had date-like conversations…”.

Then I went to hold his hand like I normally would and realised that I could not do that if we were to keep the game up… I got all emotional because I suddenly thought ‘what if this was just a date and he didn't know me…'. I realised how much it meant to me to have Michael in my life.

When we came home, the time was right and I proposed and she said OK.

We just knew we wanted to be together.

The parents' story
Vicky and Dimitrios married in a traditional Greek Orthodox ceremony in Sydney in 1965.

>> Read their story

The reception party
Elizabeth and Michael have planned to celebrate their marriage with a generous reception at a venue on Sydney Harbour. The sit-down meal includes specific Mediterranean touches: dolmades, olives and fetta.

Of course, after the formalities, speeches and toasts, another uniquely Greek flavour takes over with the commencement of the dancing. The bride and groom execute a quick but graceful bridal waltz. They then lead their parents and most of the guests who are able in the traditional Greek dance that is compulsory at such celebrations!

At the end of the night Elizabeth and Michael look happy, if a bit weary, and are certainly ready for their honeymoon in Fiji.

Life together begins

The marriage bed
While Elizabeth and Michael have been away, resting up on their honeymoon, their mothers have been hard at work. They have made sure that the marriage bed in Elizabeth and Michael's new home is just as it should be. The bed is freshly made with all new linen and bedclothes. Sugar almonds, those bittersweet reminders of a fertile partnership, lie scattered over the bed. Everything is set for a long and happy marriage for Michael and Elizabeth.

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