Vicky & Dimitrios

Author: Mary Ann Hamilton, Getting Married project

Getting Married: Vicky and Dimitrios Alvanos, Michael Alvanos' parents, were married in 1965 in the Greek Orthodox tradition. Being the children of new migrants to Australia, the story of their meeting and courtship is one that spans the old and the new ways of life.

In the beginning

A new land. A new culture
Vicky arrived in Australia as a young child. The early years here were difficult for her. She felt as if she had been torn from the loving warmth of her extended family in Mytileni, Greece, and thrust into a totally confusing world where she could not even understand what was said. In addition, being the eldest of four children, Vicky was given the responsibility of looking after her brothers and sisters while her parents worked to establish themselves in their new home.

A chance meeting
By the time Vicky was a teenager the family had established themselves in Balmain in Sydney. They had made many friends among the Greek community, which was strong in the inner west in the 1960s. A feature of the weekend for Vicky and her family was a trip to the soccer to see the local Greek boys show the Aussies how to play! It was at one such match in Drummoyne that Vicky first met Dimitrios Alvanos, her husband-to-be. Vicky was still a schoolgirl of 15 at the time and was watching the match with her uncle who was only a couple of years older than her.

(Vicky) Because me and my uncle were both young, my husband did not realise that I was his niece and he came up to my uncle and said ‘Who is this young woman?' My uncle said, ‘Oh be quiet – it's nothing, she is just my niece. She's only a school kid.' And my husband said, ‘Who are you to have such a lovely girl for a niece?'.

Waiting to grow up
Nothing much happened after this first meeting except that the two families, Vicky's and her husband's, became friendly and began to socialise regularly at each other's homes. It was at these regular parties and get-togethers that Vicky and her future husband got to know each other a little. Vicky recalls that Dimitrios would always single her out for a dance during these occasions but, despite this attention, Vicky had no idea that he had decided that Vicky would be his wife.

He later told me he was waiting for me to grow up!

Matchmaking
In the Greek community in Australia in the 1960s it was still common practice for marriage arrangements, or at least suitable introductions between young people, to be made by families. Often, suitable marriage partners for girls of Greek families were found in the pool of young men still in Greece and eager to make a new life here.

There was a lot of showing of photos and matchmaking in Greek homes in those days. There were many proxy marriages and many women who were either delighted or disappointed by the choices that were made.

Dimitrios's urgent proposal
In 1965, four years after first meeting, Dimitrios was still waiting for Vicky “to grow up”. Vicky's parents asked her to consider becoming engaged to a man from Greece who was eager to migrate to Australia.

Vicky was not keen to marry a stranger but she was persuaded to sign the documents necessary for him to migrate. Despite the fact that she had made it very clear that she would not consider marrying him, when he arrived in Sydney this man persisted in trying to convince her to change her mind.

Meanwhile, Dimitrios was shocked to hear what was happening and was alarmed that he may lose the chance to marry the girl he had decided to wed. He made a special trip to her house one day in 1965 after he finished work. Dimitrios claimed that he was “just passing by“ and had dropped in for a chat – despite the fact that his journey home from work would normally take him nowhere near Vicky's home. At the end of the visit, just as he was about to leave, Dimitrios took Vicky's father aside and told him that he wished to court and marry Vicky. Her father agreed, and Dimitrios and Vicky began to get to know each other better.

Courtship
For the next three months before they were married, Dimitrios came to visit every second day. The couple spent a lot of time together, walking in the park and talking. This was when Vicky came to know Dimitrios as the gentle and charming man that he still is.

One day we were walking down near Balmain Wharf and he cut a hibiscus flower and put it in my hair – I had very long hair then. That is what he was like. I still have that flower.

The wedding

The crowning ceremony

A Greek Orthodox ceremony
Vicky and Dimitrios were married in the Greek Orthodox church on Abercrombie St, Redfern, in Sydney. Their ceremony was the traditional Greek Orthodox marriage ceremony, and they had a lively reception for family and friends in the church hall next door.

The upheaval of family migration made an impact on Vicky and Dimitrios' wedding. The traditional dowry gift of money or goods which is made by the bride's parents was dispensed with because Vicky's family could not afford such expense. Vicky and Dimitrios made all the arrangements for their wedding to ease the burden on her parents. Vicky did make a point of including the sugar almonds, a traditional offering to guests at Greek weddings, and also wore something old, something new, something borrowed, and included a blue flower in the centre of her wedding bouquet.

I was not really nervous on my wedding day – I was more excited. I was happy because I had found someone who loved and cared for me. I was looking forward to starting my own life and my own home.

Life together

A long and happy marriage
Vicky and Dimitrios settled in Balmain and began to establish themselves there. They both worked hard during the early years of their marriage and were able to purchase a terrace house on Darling St, Balmain where they raised their two children.

Maintaining close links with their family and the wider Greek community in Balmain was easy for the couple in the early years of their marriage, as there were many Greek families living in the area at the time. In fact Vicky, who worked in at the local Woolworths, found herself providing an informal translation and advisory service for many of the older Greek people living in the area. They often found it difficult to read and understand official correspondence, government letters, bills and the like.

As the years have passed and the children have grown and married, Vicky and Dimitrios have moved from their large Balmain home. Yet they still maintain the many friendships they made in those early years of their life together.

Vicky has found that honesty, openness and understanding have been the key to her 38 year marriage.

Also if my husband gets angry I don't say anything – I just let him go and when he has calmed down I give him my side of the story!

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